Back to the Real World
June 21, 2006
Tomorrow, June 22, 2006, is the 2nd anniversary of Sammy's death. I approach it with a much stronger spirit as a result of the journey that I embarked upon over a year ago. My thoughts are never far from all of the incredible people I met along the way.
The last two weeks of my journey were probably the hardest as I crossed into Maryland without Rocky. He had a high bowed tendon as we crossed through the West Virginia mountains. Neither Val, nor I, fared well without him. He's perfectly fine now...frolicking and romping in the pasture with Val. However, the stinkers have been so bad since returning home. They kept getting out to go and visit their buddies down the road, so we moved them there. Then they kept getting out under the bridge down the stream to go exploring. I guess that's what I get after taking them across country. So now they're back with me, totally electrified. It won't keep them in for long.
Re-entry into life was harder than I had anticipated. I had accrued a lot of debt while I was gone in keeping the house, the cars, the kids, and life in general, going while I was away and not working. So, upon returning, I worked three jobs for three months to gain control of it. I have it in control now, and am back down to my one job. Yea! But as a result of working so hard I wasn't able to ride, just no time. Nor was I able to write--I only have three chapters done on the book. But I am happy to say I was finally able to ride on Sunday, and it felt so good being back in the saddle. I miss that so, so much.
Shortly after returning home, I faced yet another difficult time in my life, when my son Eric, the day before his 18th birthday, came to me and said he was joining the Marines—infantry in Iraq, no less. Talk about ripping your heart out. A week after he went in, his best friend, Taylor, a fellow senior, was killed in a car crash. Eric completed basic training, graduated down in Paris Island, then came home and graduated with his high school class of 2006. He had completed all of his course work in January so he was free to join the military. However, the Marines had waived Eric's history, from witnessing Sam's death, of therapy and medication for depression, and they let him enlist.
Eric didn't fare well after returning for high school graduation and dealing with the impact of his friend's death on top of Sam's death. Thankfully, the Marines are giving my 18 year old son an honorable discharge, so he won't see combat. As proud as I am of him for trying to serve our country, as a mother, I am thankful to God that I won't have to worry every moment of every day over the course of the next four years for his safety. I don't know if I would be able to deal with the loss of yet another son. Now, one of the things that Eric is longing to do is to ride across country on a horse. He could handle it and if he's serious about it, I'll help him to do it. We'll see where his path leads when he returns home from the Marines. He wants me to go with him, but I've completed that journey and am at peace with where it has taken me.
That brings us up-to-date as to where life has flowed since my coming home. It's very surreal, looking back on it, that I actually road 4032 miles across America on horseback. It had no impact on the world, but it had a huge impact on mine. I know the journey accelerated my healing from Sam's death. I see Sam's face in my mind's eye and I smile. I miss him, but I smile through the tears, because I know we're both at peace. I think about my soul-searching journey and realize I have found who I am. I've found strength I never knew I possessed. I've found compassion overflowing from within. And I have found wisdom after facing my fears. And I embrace the gratitude that overwhelms me when I think about everyone who helped me to become the woman I am today. For that I will be forever grateful. I can't express enough gratitude to the friends and families I met along the way who helped me to get through an incredibly difficult time in my life. I hope this letter finds everyone well. I miss you all and look forward to the day when our paths will cross again.
With the warmest of memories, love,
Linda